Turd

me: shahzah

gary: yesm

wow, the thought of being here for another 8 hours

makes

me

me: type.

gary: SICK

2:17 PM me: DANGEROUS TO MYSELF

SUICIDAL

EGGPLANT

gary: bubbly

me: HARDENED

COLD

BLACK

2:18 PM FUNGICIDAL

gary: facial serum

2:19 PM me: pedestrian waste product

2:20 PM corn parfait

2:21 PM gary: hmm, i'm hungry

maybe i'll take my hour lunch

me: well if u ever have off on a friday (duh) my parents do a sophisticate fish fry usually, and even if u get a corn salad, it would be fun if u came.

2:26 PM gary: Definitely! I'm down for that

2:27 PM me: sweet. well this friday my parents are leaving til tues. so party at my house!

gary: YEAH!!!!

me: how do u like THEM crab cakes??

2:28 PM gary: just like I like my stool samples, battered, fried, and plenty of corn chunks.

me: i think that was the most hilarious thing you have EVER said

2:29 PM lolololookj;iou;lol

gary: lol battered stool

2:30 PM Two all-stool samples, special sauce,

LOL

we gotta make a fast food commercial

WTF?! Where is my web fame?!

2:31 PM me: tonight we are offering our freshest and most eclectic selection of premium stool, battered and deep fried in a vat of the sickest toilet bowl, dredged in a compliation of our filthiest herbs and spices, and prepared to your parasitic specifications.

gary: LOLOL

2:32 PM dredged

Premium Stool fresh off the Somali coast

me: lol

2:34 PM Excuse me miss, there's a fly in my stool.

thats so filthy!

i always used to wonder..

gary: yeah, pretty sick

2:35 PM me: how much money i would accept in order to eat a turd

literally.

gary: i'd probably do it for $25,000

and a years supply of elephant anti-biotics

me: hmm, see the problem is that i stil can't decide. what will i do if that ever happens? i'll be paralyzed by fear

of the great unknown

2:36 PM gary: LOLOLOL

me: im pretty sure, this is something i never considered til now, but im pretty sure that we should factor in the medical expense of expelling parasites...

so maybe like 50,000

it will take some serious calculations.

on your part

2:37 PM gary: WTF?! We need to write some sort of girl-coming-into-womanhood story. And that situation is where she stands at the crossroads.

drawbridge

2:38 PM me: to eat the turd, or to remain a girl forever

never flower into a beautiful woman

like interview with the vampires

2:39 PM gary: LOL YEAH!

enraged by her inability to eat feces

she ventures out

me: into the vast world of prostiution

child

prostitution

gary: seeking browner pastures

ladden with

2:40 PM corn

2:42 PM me: seriously, that's a good call tho. we could totally do that. it would be SO JACKED UP

2:43 PM gary: yeah, we'd definitely get some form of internation acclaim/ death threats.

international*

me: audit

gary: fecal audit probe

2:44 PM

me: seriously

this

might

work

gary: this

me: you will be gary

gary: is

me: SICK@!

gary: pErFECT

me: oh

of course

2:46 PM gary: I'll be Gary

me: so when r we gonna shoot it, because um, you like, work all the fn time

gary: Yeah, pretty embarrassing.

how bout this friday

me: perfect.

we can do it at work too

because my dad wont be here.

it's gonna be ballin.

you bring the turd

2:47 PM gary: we can use your parents' prized fecal collectors edition for props

me: we can make something to look like turd. and then at the last shot, we eat it. and the credits will show everyone involved eating it

gary: LOL YEAH!

Dark chocolate

mixed with corn

2:49 PM me: and sawdust

gary: lol sick

me: plant fertilizer

fly swatters

gary: scabs

EW!

me: dude, we should just tape the sickest shit ever. like there are so many of those half dead flies in the warehouse...

2:50 PM gary: lol YEAH! Ren & Stimpy True Life

me: seriuosly, woody has been sitting at the window all afternoon. chris is supposed to take him out and play, but he HASNT

2:51 PM gary: just cut his brake-lines

that'll teach'em

2:53 PM you should meet me in men. falls on my lunch break, after you're done w/ work? interested? Email me at flavoured_stool@foof.industries.com

2:54 PM me: yeah ok

perhaps. u gots some cc?

gary: ah man, sure don't

F!!!!!!!!!

that's

2:55 PM a might rotten stool sample, if i ever saw one

2:56 PM me: i can be at ur work at 430

or 5

gary: that's cool

or we can meet in men falls if you don't want to drive all the way out

2:57 PM you don't have to of course, if you're busy

me: yeah thats good. so i will text u after work and tell u the time

gary: Excellente

Grande Stool Portfolio

3:01 PM me: grand stool empress

3:03 PM gary: lol

3:04 PM okay fool, then just send me a text. I'll be waiting, clenched stool.

3:05 PM me: my tort is outside.

contemplating automobiles i think

gary: lol

so vastly intelligent

3:06 PM yet collapsable