me: shahzah
gary: yesm
wow, the thought of being here for another 8 hours
makes
me
me: type.
gary: SICK
2:17 PM me: DANGEROUS TO MYSELF
SUICIDAL
EGGPLANT
gary: bubbly
me: HARDENED
COLD
BLACK
2:18 PM FUNGICIDAL
gary: facial serum
2:19 PM me: pedestrian waste product
2:20 PM corn parfait
2:21 PM gary: hmm, i'm hungry
maybe i'll take my hour lunch
me: well if u ever have off on a friday (duh) my parents do a sophisticate fish fry usually, and even if u get a corn salad, it would be fun if u came.
2:26 PM gary: Definitely! I'm down for that
2:27 PM me: sweet. well this friday my parents are leaving til tues. so party at my house!
gary: YEAH!!!!
me: how do u like THEM crab cakes??
2:28 PM gary: just like I like my stool samples, battered, fried, and plenty of corn chunks.
me: i think that was the most hilarious thing you have EVER said
2:29 PM lolololookj;iou;lol
gary: lol battered stool
2:30 PM Two all-stool samples, special sauce,
LOL
we gotta make a fast food commercial
WTF?! Where is my web fame?!
2:31 PM me: tonight we are offering our freshest and most eclectic selection of premium stool, battered and deep fried in a vat of the sickest toilet bowl, dredged in a compliation of our filthiest herbs and spices, and prepared to your parasitic specifications.
gary: LOLOL
2:32 PM dredged
Premium Stool fresh off the Somali coast
me: lol
2:34 PM Excuse me miss, there's a fly in my stool.
thats so filthy!
i always used to wonder..
gary: yeah, pretty sick
2:35 PM me: how much money i would accept in order to eat a turd
literally.
gary: i'd probably do it for $25,000
and a years supply of elephant anti-biotics
me: hmm, see the problem is that i stil can't decide. what will i do if that ever happens? i'll be paralyzed by fear
of the great unknown
2:36 PM gary: LOLOLOL
me: im pretty sure, this is something i never considered til now, but im pretty sure that we should factor in the medical expense of expelling parasites...
so maybe like 50,000
it will take some serious calculations.
on your part
2:37 PM gary: WTF?! We need to write some sort of girl-coming-into-womanhood story. And that situation is where she stands at the crossroads.
drawbridge
2:38 PM me: to eat the turd, or to remain a girl forever
never flower into a beautiful woman
like interview with the vampires
2:39 PM gary: LOL YEAH!
enraged by her inability to eat feces
she ventures out
me: into the vast world of prostiution
child
prostitution
gary: seeking browner pastures
ladden with
2:40 PM corn
2:42 PM me: seriously, that's a good call tho. we could totally do that. it would be SO JACKED UP
2:43 PM gary: yeah, we'd definitely get some form of internation acclaim/ death threats.
international*
me: audit
gary: fecal audit probe
2:44 PM
me: seriously
this
might
work
gary: this
me: you will be gary
gary: is
me: SICK@!
gary: pErFECT
me: oh
of course
2:46 PM gary: I'll be Gary
me: so when r we gonna shoot it, because um, you like, work all the fn time
gary: Yeah, pretty embarrassing.
how bout this friday
me: perfect.
we can do it at work too
because my dad wont be here.
it's gonna be ballin.
you bring the turd
2:47 PM gary: we can use your parents' prized fecal collectors edition for props
me: we can make something to look like turd. and then at the last shot, we eat it. and the credits will show everyone involved eating it
gary: LOL YEAH!
Dark chocolate
mixed with corn
2:49 PM me: and sawdust
gary: lol sick
me: plant fertilizer
fly swatters
gary: scabs
EW!
me: dude, we should just tape the sickest shit ever. like there are so many of those half dead flies in the warehouse...
2:50 PM gary: lol YEAH! Ren & Stimpy True Life
me: seriuosly, woody has been sitting at the window all afternoon. chris is supposed to take him out and play, but he HASNT
2:51 PM gary: just cut his brake-lines
that'll teach'em
2:53 PM you should meet me in men. falls on my lunch break, after you're done w/ work? interested? Email me at flavoured_stool@foof.industries.com
2:54 PM me: yeah ok
perhaps. u gots some cc?
gary: ah man, sure don't
F!!!!!!!!!
that's
2:55 PM a might rotten stool sample, if i ever saw one
2:56 PM me: i can be at ur work at 430
or 5
gary: that's cool
or we can meet in men falls if you don't want to drive all the way out
2:57 PM you don't have to of course, if you're busy
me: yeah thats good. so i will text u after work and tell u the time
gary: Excellente
Grande Stool Portfolio
3:01 PM me: grand stool empress
3:03 PM gary: lol
3:04 PM okay fool, then just send me a text. I'll be waiting, clenched stool.
3:05 PM me: my tort is outside.
contemplating automobiles i think
gary: lol
so vastly intelligent
3:06 PM yet collapsable
