Thine Swine

GaryFOOF: OH JESUS, GOD OF MERCY!!!!!!!
Hey how
Mao Ze Dong
me: im glad you're here. we've been waiting for you.
GaryFOOF: oh
me: now, Gare, theres something we've been really meaning to talk to you about.
why dont you come in?
go ahead, just take a seat. we're here to help.
GaryFOOF: This chair is cold...and damp.
Smells like cabbage
me: never mind that, all of our chairs have unique, special characteristics
like mine, for example, is literally constructed from jebediah's old fashioned moth balls, and so, it smells like mothballs.
you see?
GaryFOOF: I thought I smelled mama's cookin
me: your's can be special too if you just search in the right places, like your heart
like your heart worm monthly chewable
GaryFOOF: Well, if you say so. But I guess I'm more concerned about this 9 foot intestinal worm.
I've lost a lot of weight, doc.
And I think it may be feeding on my brain.
It's real hard to think...and I can't reme...
me: i knew a man once...
wait,
what was i saying?
GaryFOOF: Who are you? What are these eletrodes doing attached to my face?
OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: hahah exactly
we should get married
GaryFOOF: (Squeeling)
(Children's laughter)
me: i dont ever want to have to actually explain that joke to anyone, EVER, and with you, i know, since we take the same meds, the silence betwixt us will be the best of times
GaryFOOF: LOLOL, precisely
me: and i know ur probably gay and everything, but i think i can learn to deal with that
i can make you happy!
I KNOW IT!!!
GaryFOOF: As long as we can forever share...
the nude photos of your boyfriends
me: whatever you want!
GaryFOOF: That's what I like to hear!!! I am
SO FUCKING EXCITED
to come see thine
PORPOUS
COLONIAL
me: thine swine
GaryFOOF: lol
me: how do you spell ces pool?
is that right
GaryFOOF: close
cesspool
me: oh, were u googling it? or did you ask your brother?
GaryFOOF: I googled my brother, and asked him.
me: hahahahahha
fuck
in
ha
!
GaryFOOF: LOL
We're made for each other. And those moth balls were made for cookin
me: haha
seriously. i can't live without you. you had me at intestinal worm.
hey where is Sarah these days
GaryFOOF: I find that my only desire is to share everything with you, my memories, drugs, intestinal parasites. It's all so....SICK
She's on a plane
RIGHT NOW
me: to where
hates?
GaryFOOF: I was going to pick her up until i realized
that I had better things to do
Like....
nothing.
She's flying into Ohare
Finally back from the rotting mouth capital of the world
LONDON
me: why? can't find a job in hates? i read her facebook shiz sometimes, and i am hoping she doesnt get real sick of england, what she thought used to be cool, is now just in plain sight-- a cesspool
GaryFOOF: LOL exactly!
That's exactly how she feels
me: like, it seems cool and it seems cosmopolitan.
GaryFOOF: she HATES it there
so, shamwow
She said she's going to try and save enough money while she's here to buy her and Mohammed a house in england.
she has a english degree
me: Well, I'm sure she will make friends there, and an English degree is good. My degree is in Spanish, so I put it into a freezer bag, and left the freezer in the trunk of my car, and parked my car at an airport in africa.
GaryFOOF: LOLOL. We should visit. England. and then Africa.
me: HA
GaryFOOF: I'm glad we agree
me: ballin
GaryFOOF: LOLOL
I know that's right
me: we should start a fortune telling booth
your dad probably has some decorative turbans, huh
GaryFOOF: Ancient holy turbans, encrusted with
crust
and unwashed indian hair
me: OHHHHH SSO SICK
SO SO SICK
GaryFOOF: LOL
me: save it for future generations to birth children into
quite literally
GaryFOOF: LMAO
Litrally
me: SPQULASH!
GaryFOOF: LOLOLOL
SPLOOOOOOSH!
(Children screaming)
me: thats hilAR
GaryFOOF: Agreed.
WE NEED TO MAKE VIDEOS
AND SELL THEM TO SCHOOL CHILDREN
me: i thought of this the other day, a good skit idea, but primarily a biz idea.
GaryFOOF: Skit biz
biz shat
me: my mom could make instructional cooking videos for the mentally hanidcapped. like, be independent!
jaredshah: LMAO
LMAO
me: and, well, we could brainstorm
haha
im glad you LYAO
leeow
GaryFOOF: LOL That is a classic vlassic
Wow, after Jebus left me, I never thought I'd love again. And then I met you.
And it was good
ripe
tender
and just below the surface
it was spoiled and parasite ridden
me: pickpack, how come you didn't pick Sarah up for real?
GaryFOOF: HOLy UnCle of Mercy. We're going to have a ball
of turle wax
because I have prior commitments at 1. And quite honestly, I didn't want to drive down to Chi town.
me: yeah
for
tom
foolery
up to no good, huh
oh
well,
thats deep
really
really
um
...
crazy
as well as interesting and intelligent
garyFOOF: LMAO, foo you know what it is.
me: LMAOANDSTUFF
ANDOTHERSTUFF

norwack
garyFOOF: Cracked out. Anyway, I should get going anyway. But I'm glad we could share in this sickness, because it was too much for any one person to bear the weight of.
me: espionage
yeah
thanks
GaryFOOF: LOL
Sorry
me: yep
GaryFOOF: but I love you
me: k, tgif
i guess
i love you too
call me later or something so we can scream at eachother over the phone
GaryFOOF: and i anxiously await your face trap.
Okay fool
Bye now!
me: bye
GaryFOOF: NNNOOOOOWWWWW!!!